Thoughts following a difficult week

So today I'm back after a few shitey days away from social media 👋🏼 again. Just a quick post of some thoughts.
I often get the feeling people get sick of me harping on probably like a broken record about the same things. Someone said to me a little while ago ‘Facebook isn’t the place’ (to vent about personal things bla bla) but yes it totally is! And no time better than right now when we are essentially in a mental health crisis. We have Facebook to connect to other people and we add friends to be able to communicate with them. Yet I find I get the most support from complete strangers on twitter. 

People die because they hide how bad they feel! Then everyone’s so upset and jumps on the bandwagon for 2 minutes about speaking out *jazz hands* until they forget again until the next time. 

I realise the ones who deleted me can’t see this but like people deleted me for speaking out. I fucking screamed out and got such a negative response from so many people. Why? I was terrified and in so much pain i didn’t know what was going to happen to me. But y'know if anything being ignored and dismissed makes me wanna speak out more and do more about the ignorance 💁🏼‍♀️ can you tell I hate the term speaking out? (Still had very little help by the way and it’s been 4 months). 

At my lowest I thought things like "wow if I had died no one would even care or come to my funeral", then I thought "no, actually, they totally would and make out like they loved me soo much". Cause everyone wants to show how much they cared once someone dies and they feel that guilt. How about be good to people now and not remorseful when they’re gone? Humanity is outrageous. 

I don’t mean this to be insensitive in any way by the way. So many people are amazing and compassionate and lovely, and my experience seems to have brought all of those to the forefront which is a huge positive. It's just glaring me in the face how huge of a problem we have in our society, it's terrifying frankly.

Thanks for reading